Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30. ~Robert Frost!

It’s been a week and I have finally recovered from my thirtieth birthday!! I SAID NO TEQUILLA!

I have dreaded this birthday for at least three years. I can remember my parents at 30 and thinking “wow, they are old.”  HERE I AM 30!  My twenties are gone and I am stepping into another check box in my life.  In this past week I realized that the decade of my 20’s was a mess, and now things seem to be somewhat calm. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved my twenties, but I was so naïve, and my life was mayhem.

I turned twenty-one at the hunter creek tavern in Gold Beach Oregon with my Dad and a bar tender named Turkey.  I had moved to Gold Beach to spend time with my family that I had missed while getting my associates degree in college in beautiful  Taft California.  I admit that my life was CRAZY while living there, fostering children, working my ass off for not such a good wage, and spending as much time with my younger siblings and the ocean as possible. This was also the time in my life that my mother the “unbreakable” was broken. She was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer called oligodendrogliom, and following her surgery she had a year's worth of chemotherapy with 12 weeks of radiation. At about twenty-five, I moved to the big city of Vancouver WA to finish my bachelors degree, and I felt determined that I could do whatever I wanted, and that life was/is short.   However, again, my life was still mayhem.   I became a professional student due to credits not transferring from other colleges, and me changing my major every other semester.  At 27 I realized the man that had always had my heart was marring another woman. I proceeded trying to replace that feeling. My brain helped me to move on but in my heart I knew the relationships I was establishing were unfulfilling to say the least.  It was like I was trying to trick myself, needless to say that didn’t work out so well for me.  

The worry of having children while I am still young, finishing my BS in Chemistry, while owning eight energetic pit bulls, and working over 60 hours a week, I was at this point a happiness faker.  I don’t know where this pressure came from was it society, my environment, or just my anxious personality, I am unsure, but I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do, suffer and try to make happiness out of mayhem. I wasn’t happy and thank you god this wore on my fiancé enough to break him.  At twenty-eight, after the break-up, I didn’t know which was up. This was TRUE mayhem at its finest and when I became reintroduced to Pendleton Whiskey. This past year being 29, I have become more grounded and more relaxed then I have ever felt in my life.   I think this is because I do what I want, and I know who I am.

Yes, my wrinkles have arrived along with my less risky 401K options. Looking back on it now, I loved my twenties.  With all the tragedies, wrong classes, addictive personality, and break-ups, it has been a truly AWESOME ten years.  And even in the mayhem I must say, I have met people that have changed my life that I will always love. 

Here come my thirties, I am sure that there will still be Mayhem, I have no doubt.  But I’ve learned some things that I believe will bring the calm:

1.) Remembering that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment in time.

2.) I work my ass off for a good wage because I am worth it and I love my career.

3.) A half gallon of Pendleton finished before noon is not ok…even if your sister helps.

4.) I say what I mean and if I mean NO then I say it and I don’t feel bad about it. (work in progress)

5.) I do what I want and answer to only myself.

6.) I do not pretend to be happy when I am not, and the world does not fall apart if I am not laughing

7.) I enjoy the company of my mother everyday even though she is miles away.  She does and always will know how much I admire her strength and return her unconditional love.

Cheers to my self-empowered thirties and all of the Mayhem that life brings with it!  Bring it on, with a small glass of Pendleton please!